The Eightfold Paths of BDSM and Beyond Read online

  You, too, are a Psychonaut

  By consciously engaging in altered states of consciousness instead of letting them appear in our lives when we trance out on accident, we become psychonauts. Translated from Greek as a “sailor of the soul,” a psychonaut has the power to investigate their own mind, body, and spirit through stepping sideways and looking at their self through a new lens. We can do things that we never dreamed possible, or unveil understandings about ourselves and the world.

  Psychonautic practices, as well as all other forms of exploration using altered states of consciousness, can be dangerous. This work is not for the tame of heart, nor the unprepared. Altered states of consciousness, individuals are susceptible to input and ideas, as well as the possibility of becoming aware of previously known truths for which one may not be emotionally prepared.

  How does that apply to kink? We hear all the time about individuals who have found themselves blissed out after an intense flogging, or after hours of sensory deprivation, pledge their undying love to a near-stranger. Other people come out of intense S&M scenes having expected only a good time but instead experienced something profound that changed the way they perceive themselves or the world around them. We are often unaware that by engaging in the use of tools as old as humankind’s quest for altered states, we can come to the same results as our ancestors—visions, dreams, truths, and a life forever transformed. By breaking the boundaries of ordinary reality through our explorations of kink, we have the power to step out of “normal” and into the altered, the extraordinary.

  Tales as Old as Time

  In the following chapters we will take an in-depth look at the Eightfold Paths of BDSM and Beyond. Not only will we investigate how individuals into modern primitivism, kinky sex, leather identity, Dominance and submission and other practices explore these paths using the tools and paraphernalia of the sexually adventurous, but we will also take a step back and see where these tools and traditions came from.

  Rhythmic dancing and body movement have transformed lives for millennia. Flesh hook and flagellation ordeals are not a new invention by the fringes of eroticism. Using sexual touch and ecstasy to awaken us to the possibilities of the world runs in our collective unconscious, ready to be used again.

  For those of us in kink approaching the Eightfold Paths, the order of introduction to these concepts tends to come differently than the average magical student who will often journey in the order listed previously. Their journey makes sense for the average magical student. Breathing and Meditation, along with self-examination and understanding stillness (the baby steps of breath and meditation). This is followed by Rituals where we repeat the same visual, audio and physical acts over and over again are seen as comfortable ways to engage in the list of paths.

  The order for many in BDSM, fetish and erotic exploration is not about being comfortable. It is about exploring life head-on. It is about what we, as adventurous beings, are likely to encounter when we enter the candle-lit bedroom, the dungeon, or the community event. We rarely begin breathing quietly with a guru or Guide. We often begin our paths moaning and screaming, on our knees or clad in leather boots, praying with our bodies and opening up to our fears in the loving space of those we cherish.

  For this book, I offer not the list and order for the Eightfold Paths provided by Raven Kaldera, but instead the Eightfold Paths of BDSM and Beyond, a roadmap to Sacred Kink. Know that not all of us are intended to explore every point along the journey, just as not all of us are meant to visit every corner of the world. The order we will be exploring the various paths to access Altered States of Consciousness, Energy and/or Gnosis are:

  Path of Rhythm

  Use of repetitive body motion, touch, noise, or visual cues

  Ordeal Path

  Use of purposeful and intentional pain, suffering, challenges, endurance, or pushing an individual past or through their perceived limits

  Path of the Flesh

  Use of input from tactile, sensual, sexual or ecstatic body experiences

  Path of Ritual

  Use and repetition of visual, auditory, olfactory or kinesthetic cues, rites and activities

  Path of Breath

  Use of breathing techniques, voluntary, and involuntary air flow

  Path of the Horse

  Use of Invocation, Evocation, Shapeshifting, and Horsing

  Path of Asceticism

  Use of minimization, purification, restriction, cleansing and stillness

  Path of Sacred Plants

  Use of specific plants, herbs, strong drink, chemicals, and other external inputs

  When reading about each Path, know that there is no strict order in which they should be followed, and no Path that is better than any other. Some individuals are called to one path more than another, or to different Paths at different points in their life. You may be called to a specific tool, to a path for a day, a year or a lifetime.

  As you begin, remember to read Chapter 2 so as to have a better understanding of negotiation, consent, aftercare, passion, compassion and your next steps forward. By creating this groundwork for the path, you will be better equipped for the adventures ahead.

  As a note, not everyone is called to only one path. In fact, you may heed the calling of a primary path, but have a secondary or tertiary path that you engage in from time to time. Others will be called to some sort of blended path, such as:

  Path of Denial

  Path of Asceticism + Ordeal Path

  Path of Sensation

  Path of Rhythm + Path of Sacred Plants + Path of the Flesh

  Path of Symbols

  Path of Ritual + Path of the Horse

  Path of the Warrior

  Ordeal Path + Path of the Horse + Path of the Flesh

  Path of Meditation

  Path of Breath + Path of Ritual

  Path of the Mystic

  Path of Sacred Plants + Path of Rhythm + Path of Asceticism

  Throughout this book we will be examining the core eight paths, a filter for examining a wide variety of journeys through spirit, magic and the sacred. This is not an all-inclusive list. Others paths like the Path of Madness, the Path of the Thief, and other perspectives, are valid as well.

  In addition, while examining this system of filtering I found numerous other eight-part systems and perspectives that were useful to consider within the base context of different primary paths. Thus, at the end of each Path there will be alternate options and ideas explored as a jumping-off point for seeing how other individuals, philosophies or faiths have filtered and categorized the world. All of these maps and systems are imperfect, including my own, but many may be useful as you examine your own quest.

  Bright blessings on your journeys ahead!

  Chapter 2

  Crafting Your Journey

  Sacred or Profane is in the Intent

  Anything can be sacred or profane depending on intention. Anything. Individuals on pilgrimage to the world’s holy sites might find themselves bored, snapping photos for back home or busy looking at their smart phones. Others see the face of the Divine while smiling at a flower or getting their ass spanked. It is not about the tools that are used, but the intent that is put behind them. Thus the exploration of Sacred Kink is the exploration of the sacred: sacred experiences, sacred moments, sacred truths and understandings. Kink is simply the lens we are exploring it through, the set of tools in the toolbox of our lives.

  Do not confuse method with message. Just as kneeling and rising in a Catholic church does not equal a true longing to connect with Christ, neither does being engaged in a lifetime of intensely energetic sexual service practices equal the desire to connect with a greater power. Both prayer and sexuality are tools. Every tradition uses different tools, and no tool is any better than another. Any tool can also be used in a different context: getting up and down from your knees can be performance art, and sexual service can be a way to have co-dependent desires met.

  When setting out on a journey using t
he tools laid out before you, the first question you must ask yourself is why you want to do it. Is it because it’s fun? If you find yourself saying yes, then own it. Is it because you want to deepen your connection with a partner? Then say so. Are you doing it just because a partner asked you too? Be honest and open with yourself about it. If you are hoping to connect with the universe, do astral journeying work, or energetically feed, you need to have that be clear as well. Clear communication with the self is important when exploring the world of Sacred Kink.

  Not everyone comes to these practices for the same reason. Just because an act is holy, sacred or intimate for you does not mean the person you are engaging with feels the same way about that act. Do not assume that they share your spiritual leanings, your faith, your religion, or your terminology.

  Let’s take a brief moment to define a few terms:

  By “Faith,” I mean belief or trust in a person, idea, thing, or outcome.

  By “Spirituality,” I mean our understanding of matters of the spirit, human nature, purpose, connection to reality, and our place in it.

  By “Religion,” I mean an organized approach to spirituality that involves specific beliefs, practices, symbols and stories that can provide meaning to someone’s experiences of life, divinity, and ultimate truth.

  The eight paths laid out in this book appear in some form in every major religion worldwide. Rhythmic drumming. Rituals of prayer. Monastic asceticism. BDSM and Kink are rarely intended to be a detour from spiritual exploration, and it is this concept that has led to so many misunderstandings between organized religion and what individuals do in the privacy of their bedrooms. Our erotic explorations have the potential not to separate individuals from their spiritual journey, but act as yet another tool in that journey. This can be outside or within the context of a religious framework, to pursue individual spiritual development.

  It is okay to have more than one perception, language or framework for your life experiences and personal truths. If you have lived it, names are not even necessary; names and definitions tend to be what draw the lines between individuals, groups, and societies. The reason for this is that when we come back to ourselves and to normalcy, having been somewhere where no words, names, or definitions were needed, it can be difficult to accurately explain our experiences.

  If your religion holds power and truth for you, embrace it. If your spiritual practice has power and truth for you, embrace it. If your kink and BDSM hold power and truth for you, embrace it. They are all tools. They are all opportunities for different frames of reference. And they all have the potential to be sacred or profane.

  Negotiation for Sacred Kink

  In all forms of erotic play, communication is key for a satisfactory—let alone phenomenal—experience for everyone involved. Standard points that are discussed in all forms of kink include the physical health and abilities of everyone participating, their mental and emotional state, and their desires and fantasies around the the activities involved, it is important for standard negotiation as well, from safer sex practices to how well someone can tie rope bondage.

  Negotiation is slang in the kink communities for the process of coming to consensus as to the activities, roles or responsibilities of all partners involved in a scene or relationship. Some individuals may be turned off by the language of negotiation as it might infer an adversarial dynamic or emotional sterility. If this is the case, think of the word negotiation as being open dialogue, creating a shared reality, or active collaboration. In this chapter we will be using the word negotiation, and you are encouraged to translate accordingly.

  Some people enjoy sharing their likes, dislikes and other thoughts on the activities to be involved, while others like giving open-ended statements like “I want to be surprised, but here are my desires and boundaries.” When playing with new partners, there can also be discussion around the ramifications of these activities in the rest of their life: whether this will affect their relationship and how marks left on the body might affect their day to day lives. These discussions can take place by phone, mail, email, love notes, over coffee, during a date, whispered in bed curled up with one another, or can be done through an intermediary for some advanced practitioners.

  But when we bring the sacred into our bedroom (or dungeon), how does it affect our ability to negotiate? What different sorts of things need to be discussed in advance? How might everyone involved plan on communicating and tackling challenges if and when they arise?

  Safewords and Full Negotiation

  The first major difference between classic kinky negotiation and negotiation for Sacred Kink is whether or not someone can in fact fully negotiate their involvement. For some, there is a calling from a source outside themselves urging them into this work. Unlike profane and pleasure-based pursuit of the erotic or kinky, if you are called by something deep inside you or by something outside yourself, the feelings of being crazy, or lost, or uncertain, or trapped by the calling, can make negotiating specific details of the journey difficult.

  However, even for full-time spirit workers and God-Slaves (individuals literally collared or honor/duty-bound to a specific deity), there is an ability to set boundaries and limits. If someone says they cannot negotiate around their Sacred Kink, or just keeps nodding but looks lost, consider asking instead what they have as hard limits. Where won’t they go? What are they looking for in this working? How far can their body honestly be pushed?

  Part of negotiation is a safeword, stop-word, or cue of some sort (visual, verbal, or nonverbal) that can be developed to help inform the other partner when: things have gone too far; if they want to pause for a moment to check in; if they are ready to conclude the experience; or if a hard limit has been reached. I specifically say “can,” not “should,” because Sacred Kink is known to make the use of safewords and cues challenging.

  There are many folks who refuse to do any form of kink without full and ongoing consent. This is a wonderful system to work with in classical BDSM and important for navigating kink in general. This discussion of uncertain lines of consent is important to have for individuals engaging in altered states of consciousness or spirit-driven kink. If a person is “floating away,” it might be difficult to use a safeword. All parties involved are encouraged to be honest about their limits—including whether they are comfortable working with individuals who do not feel they can give full and ongoing consent.

  Playing with a person who is in an altered state of consciousness can be potentially dangerous. Cues and keywords of different sorts are important. They are another form of communication. But they do not always work. This does not remove the responsibility of all parties involved. “She never used her safeword” is not an excuse for continuing to hit someone until their ribs break, even if your negotiation technically does not ban such behavior. The same applies for ordeals that were negotiated in advance to push past comfort zones into a place of unknown potential. The line each person draws will be unique, but that makes negotiation all the more important.

  The other thing that gets in the way of negotiation and safewords is that we may feel like we are called to something that is already crazy so it doesn’t matter how far we go, or that we will find no other outlets for our need. If we have been longing for years to find someone who will engage in Tantric sex with us or bury us in the sand so we can journey out of our bodies, when we finally find someone, some of us make unsound choices. Individuals have been known to engage in unsafe sex, hand over their worldly goods, join cults, or permanently modify their bodies in ways they don’t want because their “only” source for these needs tell them to. This is an abuse of power of one person over another.

  Just because the truths you experience are not the truths of the rest of our culture, it does not mean you are alone—this book is proof of that. There are many other perspectives and lenses, and yours is valid. Settling for abuse and coercion is not in the best interest of anyone involved, even the person doing the abuse or coercion. Inevitabl
y it leads to complications down the road that were unseen, such as over-enthusiasm within a cult, legal proceedings, sexually transmitted diseases, obsession, retaliation or worse. Think twice about whether the activities and journey serve you, if the people you are engaging with on that journey are the right match for you, and what your boundaries and limits are.

  Your boundaries are vitally important. We can only be authentic in our interactions if we are authentic in adhering to our personal frameworks and outlines for excellence.

  Know Thyself

  Γνϖθι Σεαντóν or Gnōthi Seauton, translated from Greek as “Know Thyself,” was inscribed in the forecourt of the Temple of Apollo at Delphi. More than two thousand years later, individuals longing for truths from oracles all around the world are still encouraged to contemplate versions of this truth, and it applies to Sacred Kink as well.

  If you haven’t yet, spend some time contemplating the activities and investment involved, whether for a single scene, long term relationship, or for taking on a Path of focus in your life. Questions to sit down and consider with yourself include:

  Why am I drawn to these activities or this path?

  Is my desire to processing and healing a past trauma, or relive and deepen it?

  Am I projecting deeper meaning on this experience than I should?

  How is this work relevant to my past, present or future? If it’s not, why am I doing it? (see list in Chapter 1 for possible answers)

  What are my expectations of myself and my partner(s) in this? What outcomes do I need to consider this work a success? What will I do if those outcomes do not occur?

  What are my own physical, mental, emotional and spiritual limits and boundaries?

  Do I want to dedicate this energy or work in any way? Does my partner know?